It’s been three or four days since I wrote in my blog. I know you’ve missed me (smile). I’ve missed me, too.
I’ve always been bad about letting people rent space in my head. Sometimes I think I should have some signs made to put on the back of my shirt or dress. They would say, “Space in Ellie’s head for rent. No charge. Get it before it’s gone!”
However, recently I’ve been working on not letting that happen. As with many things, the minute you start trying to change, the old stuff comes up more fast and furious than ever — it’s trying to see how you’ll deal with it. Will it be different this time? Will the people win the free space, or will you maintain your serenity? Do you get the white elephant gift or the grand prize?
The main problem with allowing others to have that power over you is that you not only lose who you are in the process, but you also feel absolutely crummy, downtrodden and almost physically ill.
The latter is what happened to me this week. I was depressed, felt worthless and couldn’t sleep at night.
When I can’t sleep, I can’t concentrate. When I feel depressed, it makes me wonder how I could feel that way again. When I feel worthless, I don’t really want to see many people…only my good friends who give me hugs, words of encouragement and remind me to pray more.
Yep. When those negative feelings happen, I sometimes forget God. Not for very long, but I forget. This is different than when something negative happens to me, such as a flood or fire (yes, I’ve experienced both). It’s the negative feelings that take over my mind that really are my EGO. EGO in this case means “edging God out.”
God’s grace is so deep, however, that He always puts someone in my path to help point me in the right direction again. Sometimes I have to make the phone call. Sometimes someone calls me. It doesn’t matter who makes the call. What matters is being able to listen to the truth without getting angry or feeling even more “less than” you did before.
My guardian angels were busier than a mound of termites eating a house this week. I would get down and then get a phone call. I’d be okay for awhile and then get down and make a phone call. That lasted some time, then there I was at the bottom again. Then I would pray for God’s guidance and ask for the strength to follow it.
It’s about thinking I can do it all myself. It’s about how we’re brought up to be independent and taught that we’ll have more satisfaction if we do it ourselves.
I started really coming out of it yesterday morning (except I still didn’t sleep last night — oh well).
Remember my friend Wille from a prior blog? Here’s the link in case you missed that one.
Well, Willie came over yesterday with his darling daughter Kim, whom I haven’t seen in quite awhile now. They came to help me plant some plants that desperately needed to go into the ground and to fill hanging baskets with multi-colored treats of nature. Kim and I worked on the latter; Willie worked on the former, as well as hanging plant brackets, helping me turn my mattress around and pressure washing my deck (Gosh, it looks SO good now!).
Playing in the dirt always calms me down and makes me concentrate on the task at hand. I talked about that in another blog. In case you haven’t read that one either, here’s the link. That, in turn, begins the process of evicting the unwanted tenants in my head. Watching little Kim use the trowel to fill the hanging baskets one at a time, seeing the delight in her eyes when I told her the last one was the one she could take home, and having Willie kid me as he always does turned my whole day and week around (except for the sleeping – but that’s a small price to pay, don’t you think?)
I told a friend who’s having difficulties of her own to pray unceasingly this week. When I said the words, a little voice in my head said, “So, are you going to follow your own advice? Huh? Huh?”
I did. And maybe that’s really the thing that turned my whole day and week around, because when we are trying to BE like God and do God’s will consciously, something in our whole being changes.
I hope you’ve had a good week this week. I hope that you feel strong, healthy and at peace with the world.
Two final notes: If you want to see how someone overcomes adversity, watch this video about a homeless boy in South Korea auditioning on Korea’s Got Talent.
And finally, if you like my blogs, won’t you please pass them on to your friends and family and publish the link on your facebook page? Thanks so much! (Shameless self-promotion 🙂